Unbottled

John W. Wright shares his 16 reason why cows like Christmas.

By Cow #2945

  • Milkers get mittens for Christmas gifts— warm hands.
  • Dairyman dresses up smart aleck dog and puts antlers on him. Takes him down a notch.
  • Lots of Christmas cheer drank. Intensity is dialed down to ………“whatever”.
  • Beef plant is closed.
  • You hear a lot of great stories from guys that went to the Christmas party.
  • No preg checks on Christmas Day.
  • Big, tough, macho, toothless milk truck driver wears a Santa hat.
  • Radio plays Christmas music instead of endless Los Lobos Caballeros en Rotterdam Remix.
  • No flies.
  • Christmas bonus checks make for a happy time for everyone.
  • Extra feed from light headed feed truck driver.
  • Milker’s alternative version of the 12 Days of Christmas song. It doesn’t rhyme but his unique use of the English language is something to behold……….and then forgotten.
  • Christmas Eve is always a big straw day.
  • Nutritionist lectures the dairyman on how important it is to pay attention to how he feeds his cows. Then gives him 2 lbs. of candy and a bottle of Schnapps–tells him to give it to his wife.
  • 90 days until spring.
  • Usually a cow in the manger scene. Not historically accurate but, Hey! Everybody likes a little recognition at Christmas, even a cow.